My illness: Part 2

The next day, i went to see my obgyn to have my ultrasound result interpreted. She said i got bilateral cysts. Meaning on both ovaries. I was right about my thought on the right ovary having a small cyst but i was wrong about the left. The doc said the reason why there was no size indicated was because the cyst had taken over my left ovary leaving it no empty space. She said i had no other choice but i still got only one option. SURGERY. It was a big word as i have never undergone even a minor surgery before. She told me to prepare for the worst as the chance of having both ovaries removed was high. And that once both ovaries are removed, the cervix becomes useless. It only means one thing to me. I will no longer have children.

My world started falling apart. I was holding back tears when i asked the doc one last question. "Do i have cancer?" i asked her. She said most ovarian cysts are non-cancerous, though this will only be confirmed after the cysts are taken out and the biopsy test is done. I walked out the door and saw everything in black. I didn't know how i got home.

I broke down in tears as soon as i got in our room. Mother followed and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything. I knew from the look in her eyes that she was worried. I heard her say i must be brave no matter what but no words seemed to make me feel okay again. 

I felt sorry for my husband who has been vocal about the idea of having another baby. Though he always lets me have the last say on most things because he supports every decision i make as if i'm the boss. I felt sorry for my son who is also getting ready for the second baby. My son is now ten years old and everybody thinks the baby is long overdue. Now that the possibility of getting pregnant again is slim, i thought noone to blame but myself. I never thought i would want another baby as bad as i want it now. I cried until my migraine joined the tears.

I didn't know how i was able to say everything to my husband but more than anyone in the world, his voice is what i would want to hear when everything goes wrong. I knew i broke one of his dreams but all i could say to him was how really sorry i was. He was so sad but never did he say any hurtful word to worsen my sorrow. He just assured me the two of us were going to work things out. The next day, he called to say he wanted to go home as he wasn't able to work well because he got too worried about me. He told me everything was gonna be alright because he was bringing home 75% of the amount we needed for surgery. The doc told us to prepare around 70k. May God bless those who helped us provide the rest. 

The surgery was then set on March 8 at ICMC hospital in Balanga. There was no backing out. I was gonna have my stomach sliced and organs inside my body removed. Some said it's gonna be painful than a CS. The thought alone was killing me...let alone the pain.